Decisions, decisions...

So, today I was thinking that I hope that Brighton grows up and learns to follow his own beat and I realized that as parents, we have to do this ourselves. We have to learn not to care what others say about our parenting types and decisions we make. We make the decisions (I along with my husband Chris who is Brighton's daddy) that we believe are in his best interest or sometimes because we think its how he is going to want things in the future and then we try to stick to our decisions. We make each one out of true love! These days, parenting is so different from when I was a little girl. Now, I have grown to appreciate just how hard each decision was that my parents made, but also, I have developed my own opinions on things I want to do differently than they did. The pressure to make decisions started even before my son was born and still continue to stress me out today and already ones that I know have to be made later on in his life cause me stress just knowing  they are coming. Not only are their little everyday choices, like what to feed him in today's world of GMO foods, there are which diapers, wipes, detergents,and when we had to start supplementing him with formula, what formula and baby bottles? I moved past the decision of when to start cereal, solids and juices pretty quickly, but I had Brighton's ever curious taste buds to help me with that! He was reaching and crying for my foods at 4 months old!  Then more worrisome questions, like to be a "crunchy" parent or not, and one decision we still struggle with, to vaccinate or not? So far we decided to not, and like this decision, some are scary no matter which way you pick to go. In just a few short years there will be others, the next car seat, what places to take him and friends to allow him to have (while he will still allow us to decide that for him) and then what to do about school and how to pick one. My point to all of this is that making all of these decisions is hard enough, but more and more I see parents criticizing other parents for not making the decisions that they think are right. Two really hot subjects are circumcision and immunizations or vaccinations which I think are the two that are really most personal and no other parent should dare step in and tell another they are wrong for which ever way they decide to do things! I would like to remind each parent how much thought and love they put into every decision they make for their little ones, and ask them how they would feel if they were attacked and told they were wrong for how they choose to do things. Nothing is right for every family and each set of parents must live with the decisions they make regarding their child or children and the consequences of them. In a perfect world we would all get along and live in harmony and maybe even all decide the same ways, but since that is not the kind of world we live in I urge you to only give advice on another parents decision making when asked by that parent to do so, and no matter how hard you find it to do, support every parent for loving their LO(s) enough to make hard decisions. If you are a parent I say to you be careful what you are getting yourself into when you ask others for their opinions or advice and my advice, if you would like it, is to read as much information on both sides of the decision you are going make and then make it on your own with your SO and don't worry or even listen to what others think of your decision. Only you and your SO (if you have one) know whats best for your LO and your family and why make things harder by worrying about what others think of your decisions? Hear your own beat and dance proudly to it!

Since having my son in March I have learned so much its amazing! I think I may have learned as much as he has or more and he is a smart little guy! One of the first things I learned is how bad it hurts when your children are in pain, sick or hurting and that is where my blog leads me today. I remember my son having to go to the NICU and stay for the first 21 days of his life and it was so awful! I cried and was so nervous and hated leaving him there and having to come home without him, but I also knew that there were qualified people doing what was best for him there and that until he was better it was the best place for him. Then we got to bring him home and I was scared to death the first few days- here was this tiny little fragile life in my arms and he was depending on me and my husband, Chris, for everything and we haden't even been around a baby at all in close to 20 years! I was so afraid I would do something wrong  and hurt him or since I am a breastfeeding mom, he wasen't getting enough to eat and I cant count how many times an hour I would check to make sure he was still breathing! Soon things calmed down a little and I wasen't so terrified of most of it anymore, but I think we all as parents are always wondering if we are making the best choices and doing all we can do and doing it right for our children. I learned quickly to get brave, though and speak up for my son when I thought he needed something or I didn't think something was right when dealing with caregivers like doctors and insurance companies. I was always afraid to speak up for myself when it came to issues with doctors thinking they were right and that I was wrong or just obsessing over something that was no big deal but that was when it was myself, now its my son and its an entire different story! I think as parents we learn what is common for our kids and when we see things happening that make us know that they are having issues with sickness or pain and we express these issues with doctors then we should be listened to and not just blown off. We know our children better than anyone, we take care of them day and night and as a mothers (and fathers) we have motherly (and fatherly) instincts that tell us things that we just know are important, so when we are told that there is nothing to worry about or to just wait it out I feel like either I am not being listened to or they just are to busy to accurately spend the time to find out what is really causing what is making me be concerned! I learned that even though I like liked the doctor my son has, sometimes you have to do what you think is best for your child and I think that if his doctor is not willing to find out what is wrong with him, or if she isen't able to and she is not willing to send him to someone else who can, that I no longer have faith in her as a doctor and its time to get a new one until I feel like he is in good hands. I have been dealing with all of this and had to learn to trust my feelings and make decisions that others wont like to do whats best for him. So this was my learning experience this week and it had made me braver and a better parent. I have went from not being sure of what I was doing in the first days to being more confident in how I care for him and expecting more out of others as well. I learn something new every day of my life and I have to say that what I am learning being a mommy is some of the most rewarding lessons of my life. 

I also want to take a minuet here and add a blog comment about Nuby USA products being some of our favorite products and I love that they are always having giveaways! Thanks Nuby!

I (Dorretta Haynes) am a new mom as of March 1, 2013 and since it took me over 15 years to get here and I am enjoying myself so much I decided to make a blog about "Life with Brighton"! First a bit about myself, I am a SAHM married to my husband (Chris Haynes) of 14 years who is a disabled war veteran from Desert Storm in 1991, so he is home as well. We thought we would never have a baby because we were told that about 8-10 years ago, so it was a HUGE surprise when on July 15th of last year I had this weird voice in my head telling me I needed to take a pregnancy test- so, even though I was not  "late" I rummaged through the cabinet and came up with a left over pregnancy test from a few years back, it was from a dollar store of all places! I didn't really know why I was thinking I should take this test because I had not really had any symptoms of pregnancy except I had been really tired but I just couldn't stop hearing that voice tell me I needed to and I never had felt compelled to take one before. I gave in and peed on the little stick thinking I would just shut up that voice in my head and I  set the strip on the counter, and sat waiting. In less than a minuet I had a dull line and I sat in shock looking at it for the next few minuets as it got darker. Now, like I said, I just got this whim to take this test so my husband had no idea I was even doing it and so my first thought was, "OMG! I am pregnant" the next one was, "OH this is gonna hurt" and the last one was, "Uh oh! I gotta go tell Chris".  So I took the test in hand and went to the kitchen where my husband was on the phone to a friend of mine who had just rang us. I stood there looking all wild eyed and with a weird look on my face trying to get him to make up any excuse to just hang up. Finally when he seemed like he couldn't get free from the call I held up the test to him. To make an even longer story short he was so shocked at it being positive after 15+ years of trying and even being on Clomid several times that he didn't want me to trust the cheap, dollar pregnancy test and get my hopes all up and be shattered if I wasen't really positive and I wasen't pregnant, so he wanted me to take another test, a better test. I immediately went and got not one but two Clear Blue Easy digital pregnancy tests. I waited until I got home to take them although to be honest, I really wanted to run to the bathroom at the store and take one. Sure enough the digital screen read "pregnant"! Now you should be able to guess with me saying we tried for 15+ years that we aren't spring chickens anymore. I was 38 at this time and my husband was 40, so my husbands first worries were that he was too old to have a new baby and everyone would mistake us for its grandparents instead of the parents. After we started telling people, we found lots of friends our age who were either pregnant or just had had a baby within the last few months, so he started feeling better about the age thing. I don't mean to act like he wasen't excited because he was and I was just ecstatic! I only wished that my mom would have been here to  go through this with me and see our baby once it was here. My mom had passed away at our home in Oct of 2010 from brain and lung cancer and she always wanted me to have a baby, as a matter of fact, she is the one who paid for the expensive fertility drugs several times. 

My pregnancy was high risk for several reasons with just a couple being my age, that I was diabetic and all the female problems I had that prevented me from getting pregnant all the previous years. So, the next 9 months were spent mostly on bed rest and with several scares  that I was miscarrying this miracle we had conceived. We had found out around week 24 that I was carrying a boy and we had both kinda wanted a girl, but the more I thought about the baby boy I was carrying, the happier I became that he was a boy. Now, I can't imagine having a girl at all and I love my little man so much that I can honestly say that I am glad I had a boy! I wouldn't want it any other way! My labor was induced and I gave birth to my 6lb 3oz 20 1/2 in. baby boy on March 1, 2013 at 7:14pm, after 37 and a half hours of labor and 3 and a half hours of pushing and a little help from my doctor with vacuum. We named our miracle baby son Christopher Brighton Haynes and we call him Brighton. We named him Christopher after his dad and we both didn't think his name sounded right if we would have put it Brighton Christopher so we switched it around and said we would just call him by his middle name.  From now on all my blogs will all be about this new adventure I am on with my new son. Things I learn, love, hate,that make me crazy, that make me smile and things that I just shake my head at! Please join me for my journey and tell me about your journey as well. I love to hear about baby/kid stories! 

~Dorretta "Brighton's Mommy03"